Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ««
PG-13, 137m. 2011
Cast & Credits: Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow), Penélope Cruz (Angelica Malon), Geoffrey Rush (Barbossa), Ian McShane (Blackbeard), Kevin McNally (Gibbs), Sam Claflin (Philip), Astrid Berges-Frisbey (Syrena), Keith Richards (Captain Teague). Screenplay by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio based on characters created by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Stuart Beattie and Jay Wolpert suggested by the novel “On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers. Directed by Rob Marshall.
I can think of no reasons whatsoever why I even considered giving Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides a chance. Perhaps I thought, despite my being increasingly fed up with all these “Summer Franchise Movies”, that maybe this fourth and most likely not final installment of the series might still be as enjoyable as Thor.
I did feel the film had a lot going for it. For starters, the advance movie poster of the three mermaids I saw posted on www.impawards.com a few months ago caught my eye. I haven’t decided yet if I will get that one. If I do, my only purpose might be to see how long I could get away with having it hung up in my cubicle at work before a higher up orders me to take it down because it is not “politically correct” for the workplace (hence the reason I still haven't hung up the Return of the Jedi (1983) one sheet poster that shows Princess Leia in the center in the slavegirl outfit).
Even if I did tell the higher ups that “On Stranger Tides” is a Disney movie, the powers that be would still tell me the artwork is sexually suggestive despite the fact the three mermaid’s breasts are all conveniently covered by either their backsides or long hair.
Sure there were a few spandex clad, high heeled beauties dressed in tight black and white outfits in Disney's Tron: Legacy (2010) and while the mermaid's image in “On Stranger Tides” may look, at first glance, inappropriate, there is no full frontal nudity. Though I do recall that time working at Blockbuster Video back in the early 1990s how we were told to pull down that video poster of The Little Mermaid (1989) because it showed what resembled a gold phallus in the background.
Given that the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies (2003-2007) were helmed by director Gore Verbinski, I was interested this time in seeing how director Rob Marshall would handle this installment. Up until now the only two films I had seen of his were the musicals, Chicago (2002) and Nine (2009).
On Stranger Tides is the shortest of all the previous installments and yet, to me, sitting through it I felt as though the film was running twice as long. I don’t even think I have to go into the plot. Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) summarizes the story with just one line.
“There’ll be dangers along the way…firstly mermaids, zombies…Blackbeard,” he says. That’s exactly what Captain Jack Sparrow encounters searching for the Fountain of Youth. Like a typical Disneyland theme park ride that’s always throwing interesting things at the rider around every corner in hopes of holding a person’s attention, there are a slew of characters also in hot pursuit. They include Spanish conquistadors and the British government led by Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) who has personal reasons of his own for embarking on this latest quest and it has nothing to do with finding the Fountain of Youth.
There is also Blackbeard (Ian McShane), who I assume is a ghost, and who along with his daughter, Angelica (Penélope Cruz), a con artist and Captain Jack Sparrow’s former lover, are in search of a mermaid whose tears, when mixed with the magical water, will give Blackbeard eternal life.
This would not be a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, or for that matter a Jerry Bruckheimer production, without the usual street chases on horse drawn carriage as Captain Jack evades British soldiers hanging from chandeliers and jumping from the windows of upper floors, sword fights and supernatural encounters to wow viewers. I never knew “mermaids” (and no I don’t believe they actually exist) had sharp teeth like vampires and were drawn to the musical voices of sailors. So much for my high hopes of finding love at sea.
That clip reminded me of a couple cherished moments in the first movie back in 2003 where Captain Jack makes it to port just as his lifeboat sinks. Then there is the scene where, if I remember correctly, since it’s been so long since I have seen The Curse of the Black Pearl where Sparrow gets upset after finding out the damsel-in-distress, played by Kiera Knightley, burns all the rum as a means to be rescued on a deserted island.
Now that I think about it, Captain Jack Sparrow has always been a little tipsy in all these movies. Maybe that’s what I need in order to truly embrace these films; a case of Rum or some other alcoholic beverage to get me plastered. That may be the only way to get me through the next one (Don’t tell me there won’t be a fifth). Whether I will remember enough about the next installment after seeing it to be able write a positive review after waking up from a real bad hangover is another story.
©5/25/11
PG-13, 137m. 2011
Cast & Credits: Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow), Penélope Cruz (Angelica Malon), Geoffrey Rush (Barbossa), Ian McShane (Blackbeard), Kevin McNally (Gibbs), Sam Claflin (Philip), Astrid Berges-Frisbey (Syrena), Keith Richards (Captain Teague). Screenplay by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio based on characters created by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Stuart Beattie and Jay Wolpert suggested by the novel “On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers. Directed by Rob Marshall.
I did feel the film had a lot going for it. For starters, the advance movie poster of the three mermaids I saw posted on www.impawards.com a few months ago caught my eye. I haven’t decided yet if I will get that one. If I do, my only purpose might be to see how long I could get away with having it hung up in my cubicle at work before a higher up orders me to take it down because it is not “politically correct” for the workplace (hence the reason I still haven't hung up the Return of the Jedi (1983) one sheet poster that shows Princess Leia in the center in the slavegirl outfit).
Even if I did tell the higher ups that “On Stranger Tides” is a Disney movie, the powers that be would still tell me the artwork is sexually suggestive despite the fact the three mermaid’s breasts are all conveniently covered by either their backsides or long hair.
Sure there were a few spandex clad, high heeled beauties dressed in tight black and white outfits in Disney's Tron: Legacy (2010) and while the mermaid's image in “On Stranger Tides” may look, at first glance, inappropriate, there is no full frontal nudity. Though I do recall that time working at Blockbuster Video back in the early 1990s how we were told to pull down that video poster of The Little Mermaid (1989) because it showed what resembled a gold phallus in the background.
Given that the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies (2003-2007) were helmed by director Gore Verbinski, I was interested this time in seeing how director Rob Marshall would handle this installment. Up until now the only two films I had seen of his were the musicals, Chicago (2002) and Nine (2009).
My attitude towards the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies were I found them to be too much like an endless Disneyland ride, which isn’t at all far from the truth since the first one is inspired by an actual Disneyworld theme park ride. The films had a lot of visual style but in terms of stories, very little substance. I didn’t care too much for The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) and Dead Man’s Chest (2006) though they did have some memorable moments. I did like At World’s End (2007) and given my indifference towards the first two, I think the one reason why I liked the supposedly final installment was because it was the last one, or so I thought.What made me have high hopes for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was the knowledge that the story was “suggested” or inspired by author Tim Powers' 1988 book, On Stranger Tides, according to imdb.com. I thought, perhaps maybe with this installment being based on an actual book. that this might not feel like I am again getting on another endless Disneyland theme park ride that lasts two hours and 17 minutes. .
On Stranger Tides is the shortest of all the previous installments and yet, to me, sitting through it I felt as though the film was running twice as long. I don’t even think I have to go into the plot. Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) summarizes the story with just one line.
“There’ll be dangers along the way…firstly mermaids, zombies…Blackbeard,” he says. That’s exactly what Captain Jack Sparrow encounters searching for the Fountain of Youth. Like a typical Disneyland theme park ride that’s always throwing interesting things at the rider around every corner in hopes of holding a person’s attention, there are a slew of characters also in hot pursuit. They include Spanish conquistadors and the British government led by Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) who has personal reasons of his own for embarking on this latest quest and it has nothing to do with finding the Fountain of Youth.
There is also Blackbeard (Ian McShane), who I assume is a ghost, and who along with his daughter, Angelica (Penélope Cruz), a con artist and Captain Jack Sparrow’s former lover, are in search of a mermaid whose tears, when mixed with the magical water, will give Blackbeard eternal life.
This would not be a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, or for that matter a Jerry Bruckheimer production, without the usual street chases on horse drawn carriage as Captain Jack evades British soldiers hanging from chandeliers and jumping from the windows of upper floors, sword fights and supernatural encounters to wow viewers. I never knew “mermaids” (and no I don’t believe they actually exist) had sharp teeth like vampires and were drawn to the musical voices of sailors. So much for my high hopes of finding love at sea.
Were it not for these Bruckheimer ingredients, the Pirates movies would have never brought in the millions they’ve made so far at the box office since 2003 to justify sequels. Personally, I’d like to think the real reason why they’ve been so successful has to do with Johnny Depp. I may not have necessarily been won over by the previous films but I never equated them as “one-note-performance” movies. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, however, is unfortunately just that; a one-note-performance movie. This humorless production would be nothing without Johnny Depp. Ok. I laughed once watching the film.The scene, which I believe is actually in the trailer, is when Captain Jack asks a zombie if he can survive jumping from a 30-foot cliff into the water. The zombie throws a voodoo doll of Captain Jack down the cliff. Sparrow lets out a loud female scream as the doll hits the water. That scene is not so much a classic Johnny Depp moment as it is a classic Captain Jack Sparrow moment.
That clip reminded me of a couple cherished moments in the first movie back in 2003 where Captain Jack makes it to port just as his lifeboat sinks. Then there is the scene where, if I remember correctly, since it’s been so long since I have seen The Curse of the Black Pearl where Sparrow gets upset after finding out the damsel-in-distress, played by Kiera Knightley, burns all the rum as a means to be rescued on a deserted island.
Now that I think about it, Captain Jack Sparrow has always been a little tipsy in all these movies. Maybe that’s what I need in order to truly embrace these films; a case of Rum or some other alcoholic beverage to get me plastered. That may be the only way to get me through the next one (Don’t tell me there won’t be a fifth). Whether I will remember enough about the next installment after seeing it to be able write a positive review after waking up from a real bad hangover is another story.
©5/25/11
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